i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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