you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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