My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize