a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
sarcasm needs its own font
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
