No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
