i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
