I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
