I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
