who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My feet surprised me
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