I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
