It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
