You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
