How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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