Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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