I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
