Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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