So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
