The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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