Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
