mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
