she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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