really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Never underestimate the power of titties
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