and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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