just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
