So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
