This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
