I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
