Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
