fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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