obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
