a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
