If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
