the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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