I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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