Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
