ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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