I think my fart just growled at me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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