the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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