what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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