I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize