i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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