And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
