Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
