she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
