the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
