y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
