my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish you could order shots online.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
