There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i will never coherently bang her
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
