i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
