my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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