So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
