Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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