We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
