I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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