if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
