Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
