never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I could make wine with my vomit
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize