i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
