we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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