I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
