Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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