look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
