we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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