And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
