I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
