I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
