There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
