i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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