he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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