I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
