I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
