he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
