epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize