OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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